I need to tell you– I noticed something today.
my mind stopped buzzing after we hung up.
the quiet between my ears became too loud.

I tried to pinch your words between thumb and forefinger,
clenched them to my palms by the crescent of my nails
but there was nothing left but impressions of your smile.

I had to sit with myself and realize you weren't there
to fill the spaces between the slivers of my fingers
to follow the curves of my own smile as I part my lips

to fool me with quick of breath shared between us
to feel my pulse in the crook of my neck and to grip
my heart beating in my chest, your reign over me

won’t ever end, even as the synapses of my nerves
pause with bioelectric shock at the thought of you
accompanying all my seconds and milliseconds.

you’re never an afterthought, simply at the forefront.
how ironic that there's this much space between us
but I cling to your polarity like skin to drops of water.

your fingers dip themselves into my liquid state of mind.
you need to help me balance the clay pot on my neck,
make sure I don't run away afraid, slip through your fingers

or run down your skinned elbows, the shattered glass
a mess for you to clean up, stubborn as I refuse to let
you do anything by yourself because I can’t let you go.

I feel ripples waving away anything without your name on it.
I have to fill my every waking thought with you to stay sane.