[untouched]
do you ever miss
someone so terribly
that
you look for them in the little things
that pique your interest
because it was theirs first
or,
his
first

[addendum]
(you're) missing
i've missed you
for the longest time
and i've kept missing you
despite us becoming
misaligned
i've hunted around
searched for pieces of you
lying in everything i turn upon
under every rock i turn over
shards of glass to pick at carefully
to clutch them in my palms
a stinging lifeline, an iv
a second pulse
adrenaline rush
interest piqued
because my pupils dilate
as i recognize you first
the object topic its name erased,
replaced with yours‒
everything in this world
belongs to you
has been touched by your unseen hands
and i can only grasp at straws,
hoping the cognition needles its way through
sticks me long enough
so i'm no longer running on empty‒
in terms of how i'd like to drink you in
bottle you in my heart
to intoxicate myself in bed
before i waste away with this
wretched loneliness
and overbled chest.

then, here i am still.
i'm really yours first,
my name after yours
(it's out of habit, swear it's being worked on)
but i doubt my efforts
the distance and static washes away
the colors i paint with and
i'm left
still afraid, to
leave you with muted afterimages
frustrated with the mistranslation
from my mouth
twisted meanings
confusion and disbelief
at the things i imply

but
whatever words you can make out
speak for themselves
if only
you could see
from behind my eyes
angled down in desperation
outlined in tears that slip past self-control
don't you see it too ?


say something


if not you, then i will
yes, i feel incomplete
without the real thing you

oh how i wish i can have what's real
and not long for who i built up in my head.