i think i know what scares me the most when we argue.
it's when your voice is weary and doesn't want to continue the conversation.
i'm uncomfortable with silence, but i can bear it.
i'm afraid of your indifference, the absence of love.
i wouldn't mind if you said things that cut or things you'll regret,
but i'd spiral if i hear you say "it's up to me" again.
i wouldn't like it if you give up. i'm afraid of becoming strangers.
i'm afraid of you not caring. i'd rather you yell or scream at me, or even cry.
but to say nothing at all, or to mean nothing... it makes me feel hollow.
i must be doing something wrong for you to sound this tired.
it isn't something you can control, the tone of your voice.
i should know that by now. i shouldn't control it, but it's hard for me
to not be threatened when your tone is dull, barely wavering.
i know you when you're happy and excited, or when you're angry and disappointed.
indifference makes those moments feel further away.
it makes me feel like it'll be some time before we get closer again.
but i shouldn't feel threatened, right? because it always happens.
we become closer again. i just need to control myself and not take up too much space
with some withering argument. i should dull my voice so yours won't need to.