i'm a very sentimental person. i hold onto sweet things.
over time, i've learned that
the longer i hold those sweet things on my tongue,
behind my clenched teeth,
out of fear the sweetness will trickle down the corners of my mouth
mingling with tears-
at the end of it, the sweet eventually fades into something else,
no matter how desperately i'd like for it to stay;
it changes forms and becomes bitter, and i wonder why it never really fades.
the rose tint behind my eyes dulls as well,
draining from a world built on an unstable pedestal,
leaving a throb of pain as the panes of my heart fracture.
what am i to do, except mend myself and try looking again, so i don't forget how to crave...
despite my hurt,
despite my hands and arms being riddled
with hairline flaws and scars,
i hold onto you tighter than i think i should.
enamored with you, to say the least.
at times, i want to pluck the words you say
right out of thin air,
as if they were leaves fallen from a degree of shared interest-
to pinch them between my fingers,
to hold them up to the sunlight and starshine,
to frame them in my mind's eye,
to keep simple-words-that-mask-complex-feelings
in a place where i can always see them
even as i drift away from the world.
better yet, i wish
i could weave the softness in your voice
into a fabric i can envelop myself in,
so i can feel your sincerity even after the static fades to silence.
the tenor, alto in your voice- even your hysterics and tangents-
eases warmth into the worn heartstrings
within my chest;
i yearn to sing again.
i'm afraid i'm falling for you.
wish to have you.
to lose myself in you.
i could care less where i end and you begin.
you, the parts you show, the whole you, simply you-
it's all i want.
it may be early to say, but in a short span of days
i finally feel safe.
i've been chasing many sweet things,
and overstayed wherever it's offered.
only to discover- too late- it's in fact a poison.
yet, you aren't harmful, as far as i can tell.
not an a-hole either.
there are no words left to describe how much i'd like for you to stay.